Why Sharing Your Story Makes You a Better Teacher
By Samantha Dainty
When I started teaching, a well-meaning colleague delivered a stern warning: “Because you’re only a few years older than your sixth-formers, keep your life to yourself. Professional boundaries.”
Boundaries are vital - especially for safeguarding - but the idea that pupils should know nothing about the person in front of them jarred with my instinct that great teaching begins with human connection.
So I ignored the advice, and I’m glad I did.
Small Details, Big Impact
The majority of students who have been through my classroom will know many things about me: I’m obsessed with Harry Potter, I love Yorkshire tea and that I used to have this strange anxiety attributed to choosing a nail polish colour I would regret when I went to the salon, so I choose the same colour (rose gold) every single time. These details have no relevance to my ability as a teacher, but I think they are unbelievably important in creating a more complete picture of me as a person. None of these facts improves my knowledge of Shakespeare, but they build a fuller picture of me. Students remember that their teacher is a human with quirks, tastes and hobbies - just like them.
Sharing the Hard Stuff
Over the years I’ve also shared tougher chapters: my parents’ divorce when I was fifteen and a broken engagement in my twenties. By opening that door, I gave pupils permission to open theirs.
As a consequence of this, I have sat with a 15-year-old boy whilst he sobbed about his parents’ separation, I have comforted a 17-year-old whose heart was broken for the first time, I have listened to a student whose brother was diagnosed with cancer. How will they know they can share with you, if they only see the academic you, the “professional” you, the you who can recite the entirety of Macbeth but who has shared little else with them?
Had I presented only the polished, professional façade, would they have trusted me with their inner lives? Unlikely.
Empathy Flows Both Ways
Sharing teaches empathy in reverse, too. When I once muddled through lessons after a personal setback, my class cut me some slack. They understood that adults wobble, and kindness counts. That revelation is as valuable as any exam skill we teach.
A Note from the Black Book
I keep a little notebook for farewell messages. One entry still stops me short:
“There are literally a million more things I could say, but definitely the most important, and my greatest thanks of all, is that you have the courage to share yourself as a person so openly with your students. I honestly believe this to be the finest quality a teacher can display and it has given me so many fond memories.”
Lesson plans matter; so does rock-solid subject knowledge. But letting students see the person behind the planner often matters more.
A Gentle Challenge
If there is one piece of advice I could give to new teachers it is this: share your lives with your students. Tell them about your best ever holiday, your favourite food and your mental health struggles. I promise you won’t regret it.
