Breaking the Perfectionist Cycle: When Ambition Becomes Anxiety
By Samantha Dainty, Bespoke Minds Education
If you’re a parent of a high-achieving child, you’ll know the fine line between healthy ambition and overwhelming pressure. We all want our children to do their best, but what happens when their drive for success starts causing more stress than joy?
I remember being on boarding duty during the summer months, supporting students through GCSE and A-level revision. I saw firsthand the myriad ways in which perfectionism manifested in students. Some would rewrite their notes obsessively, unable to move on until everything looked immaculate. Others would avoid starting their work entirely, paralysed by the fear of making mistakes. This pressure, often self-imposed but reinforced by external expectations, was leading to exhaustion, anxiety, and burnout.
Indeed, schools are taking steps to counteract perfectionism. Despite critics arguing that it may inadvertently discourage the pursuit of excellence, Lady Eleanor Holles School’s ‘anti-perfection’ classes encourage students to embrace ‘good enough,’ while Oxford High School’s ‘Death of Little Miss Perfect’ campaign and Wimbledon High’s ‘Failure Week’ aim to normalise setbacks and build resilience.
But what can be done before exam years? Research by Flett and Hewitt (2014) indicates that perfectionist tendencies can begin as early as ages 7–9 and so parents need a toolkit to aid with early intervention.
